Your Views Here.

Sound of the Chimes

Sunday, May 17, 20098:48 AM

There are a lot of ways to enjoy wind chimes and aside from the fact that it’s soothing to listen to and beautiful to look at , they also contain healing effects. Wind chimes does not only enhances my family’s life…but it has been also of great help to us.

My family’s been through an experienced of robbery for a couple of times. But this time it’s a lot different. We are almost encountering an armed stealing and definitely sounds a bit scary and dangerous. And we’re so very lucky that they were’nt able to break-in which eventually made us much more cautious to potential dangers around us. However, we still remain alert to whatever might happen after that incident. That experienced help us discover constructive ways to deal with the crime. So what we did was…we tried to hang a wind chime at the backdoor just in case the robbers come back again. And this time we can be able to hear at least something that will wake us up to avoid such horrible crime.

Labels: life

OBSESSION WITH DEATH?

8:47 AM

2 comments

Extreme stress, failing a big exam, poverty, failed relationship, problem with peers, loss of a job, family problem, abuse, isolation…….are not causes of suicide. They are actually triggers for suicide. I bet you’re a little confused how it differs. Well, for me these things are not an excuse for committing suicide because the fact is, everyone has to deal with isolated stressful events in life. Probably, it’s just that people differ in their ability to handle the troubles that cause such desperate feelings. You know like, when something is gravely wrong in your life your suicidal thoughts is starting to activate and eventually urge you towards getting your own life. Suicide is definitely a result of an impulsive decision, so always remember that a person with healthy brain chemistry may think of it but doesn’t consider it as a last resort to escape a problem. So have you ever come to think of why some people commit suicide when we can actually find ways of dealing with these immeasurable problems? There are even people struggling to eat 3 times a day just to survive. I myself had been through a lot of failed determinations. And the road have always been very rocky for me and the only weapon I have to keep me standin’ still , is my little faith in Him. So instead of allowing these thoughts to crash our mind we have to learn the simple way, which is to work and pray. You’ll see, it will be of great help and worth it in the end.

Labels: life

WHEN DEATH IS KNOCKING

8:43 AM

0 comments

Every second is a bonus if you beat a disease that was almost eating up your entire life and left you near death. Well, life is hard at times but I would say that I am already abundantly blessed to have known the joy of living a good yet simpler life. All this time , I’ve learned to appreciate when something positive happens no matter how small it is because what matters most is you cherish what you have and not…..what you don’t have.

June 03, 2007 – Apart from the fact that I’m used to getting a balance diet and proper exercise, I got diagnosed with a disease that fewer people are having . After my first pregnancy, I felt tired all the time and grew more exhausted . That is why the diagnosis was so shocking that I don’t even realized that the disease developed rapidly. Before I found out, I often complain of being easily tired. At first I thought it was just a normal running out of breath but apparently that shortness of breath is getting progressively worse. I then understand that it’s definitely something else until I got fainted and I believed that I suffered a massive heart attack. But much larger part of me rejoiced when I realized I successfully survived a sudden death after that incident. Though a much smaller part of me felt sad because of what I’ve found out. My heart is weak and doesn’t pump normally anymore. I realized…I have a heart enlargement (Post-partum Cardiomyopathy), not just enlarged but all four walls were actually stretched. They said my heart was so weakened , but nevertheless it’s strong enough to no longer warrant an emergency transplant. And the greatest news is..I’m still alive up to now.And one good thing I don’t experience chest pain, although recovery time is a bit longer. I lose a few pounds and I need to gain a little of it again but I need to try to get more fish and vegies and eat meat a little less. The usual treatment involves taking medication and lifestyle changes are definitely mandatory. The whole treatment regimen is quite frustrating, you know when your being forced to lie down, sit and do nothing but somehow it’s the best way to progress.

FYI: Cardiomyopathy is a serious disease in which the heart muscle becomes inflamed and doesn’t work as well as it should.

Having a big heart is not a good thing. It’s some sort of an inside look and a crash course into the mysterious world of heart failure. Wherein it’s incredibly frustrating and it felt like you couldn’t catch a break when your overwhelmed by the difficult situation you are immediately going to face with. Still I felt blessed because my health challenged forecast recovery is actually promising. It’s pretty much the way I have chosen to fight my health issues. In fact , I’ve learned a lot about life and still continuing to learn more. Somehow …it’s a battle worth fighting for.

1st 2d echo result

Interpretation:

=dilated left ventricular dimension with severe global hypokinesia and with evidence of both systolic and diastolic dysfunction.

=thickened mitral valve leaflet with low flow configuration and with evidence of mild mitral regurgitation.

2nd 2d echo result

Interpretation:

Compared to previous study

= improved wall motion in the basal segment of the inferior left ventricular free wall with corresponding slight increase in EF(Ejection Fraction) from 16% to 29%.

=decrease right atrial size from 41mm to 35mm

3rd 2d echo result

Interpretation:

= increase EF ( ejection fraction) from 29% to 46%

=diastolic dysfunction is no longer noted

Labels: life

Taking Off my Dancing Shoes

8:40 AM

0 comments

The Philippines is now the dominant force when it comes to Hip Hop dance crews. Another reason for the Filipinos to be proud of.*claps*But nobody knows I was once into dancing…hahahaha…simang!..I started very young at 5 then I began doing choreography way back in high school and eventually stopped at the age of 18.Lookin’ back those thoughts will only frustrate me that’s why I decided to conceal everything.My recent friends does’nt even know what I went through in dancing.I never show it off to them.Never!hehehe..I also tried cheerleading but ’twas not that complicated…Anyone can do cheerleading anyway…twas not good enough for me…*laughs loud*..Hip Hop dancing was really my passion.Aside from the rough stunts..It was really fun to do it.I was attached to it since then.I never had a hard time doing it.*smirks* It is such a big part of my life, and I once live for it.In fact I have already proven something in the field when I was given the responsibility of the dancing shoes during my high school years..(confession sa..hahaha)..I was never enrolled in dance class actually…I was not even part of our schools dance troupe, but I did my thing and it was worth it. But opportunity most of the times knock only once..when I was offered to audition for a dance troupe I refused to do it.My friends then urge me to go for it but never my parents.Instead they wanted me to gave up dancing.And so I did….that was when my life started to fall through.GULP!That’s why I never went back to dancing.And never tell anyone that I was once into it….Well..I actually tried to get it back when I met some friends and offered me a spot to dance for them.Twas 2005 when I went back ..but too sad it did’nt work for some shit reasons….this time twas my boyfriend who mess up everything…. So what I did… I just took steps to get over it. Until I got pregnant and I was diagnosed with a heart failure….which I guess…. obviously the biggest cogent evidence not to go back into the dance floor.

Labels: life

Lapse in Judgement

Wednesday, March 4, 20099:15 PM

0 comments

Alone and pregnant? Sounds like a goddamn piece of sluggish game play from hell. Right? But being single and havin’ a baby does’nt mean your alone. Somehow it felt like the beginning of the end and is only as good as what you make of it. Well, there are maybe reasons that are not good enough but when it’s quiet and you can hear yourself think, everything else will follow. At the start you thought you’re going to condemn yourself to years and years of isolation but this is actually about putting a new spin on something. Rather wasting your life wallowing in despair just because of a little rejection and because of the

opinion of other people. Why not suck all the pessimistic thoughts out of you. Try to shuffle things around, pull things back together, start over and don’t permit things to throw you off completely. You’ll see, you’ll do great and everything else will fall into place. Who knows, you never would have guessed…eventually…you’ll not gonna notice, you’re even more happier than some of those who are in relationships. I know it’s kinda burdensome to get everyone to understand what you’re trying to do.Nevertheless, just don’t waste one point of your life to lose. Yes..it’s not actually effortless to be around to those who are entirely ignorant of the world’s mess. It’s like attracting unwanted attention and gets even worse if you go on dealing with them. It’s not just loud at times, but it’s actually screaming at you. Oddly enough, it really sucks when your misunderstood and being criticized that it seems like you can’t quite put your fingers on what’s happening. I know being pregnant and flying solo is some sort of a case of maximum risk. And in most cases, failure to handle this could be mentally and emotionally aggravating. But being single and pregnant is definitely not a low down dirty shame. It’s not neither a a riddle that no one can deal with nor a complete worst nightmare. By some means, it’s a blessing. You know, I often consider the heightened consciousness brought about by my error in experience, somehow a blessing in disguise. Because I rely on, that nothing happens by chance.Everything here. happened for a reason. Fix in the mind that..you’re living in the real world and this is your real walk of life. Probably, you don’t have any clue as to where it’ll end up but always swing things at the opposite way. Drop the negative thinking and stay positive. Just bear this in mind, that perhaps it possibly suggests something more like better for you. Not to mention, tough times bring out the better preson in you. On this wise, this is actually not worth some worry..besides it all make sense. Furthermore, when you keep holding on to anguish you’re the one who’s gonna suffer most. So, better replace your thoughts with something else that will give you a peace of mind. Considering that, that will be your basis to real happiness. In some manner it will make you realize that most of what you’re getting stressed about aren’t really that valuable in the larger frame of things. Remember, life is not permanent , so don’t take your frustrations seriously. Instead make something good out of it.

Labels: life

MYSTERIOUS GAME IN THE DUST

Wednesday, June 18, 20087:03 PM

2 comments

this is her!

I am really such a dork when it comes to trusting a friend. And what’s worse? When she started shifting the blame and pointed fingers on me. I felt cheated and I felt a pang of disappointment. It was painful, but I note to myself that I must’nt worry and I’d rather make myself relax. I made a compromise and went fishing for the nicest words to say. Though I’m not entirely sure if I did the right thing. And I really don’t know which and what to hope for. Yet, I still tried to talk. I remained respectful and I swallowed my pride. But when I texted her….I don’t know if there was a misconception or…..aaahhhmmm….how shall I say this..hmm…. I guess….she’s just…you know..a little…I’d say less educated?? Well… I really don’t know how else to say this…. I don’t want to be odd. But it’s the only theory I have in mind now. And I really have to adjust myself on her…What they don’t see are her lies…her words are just so misleading…for she’s hiding behind mask and I actually saw things people did’nt. When she’s still here, she’s one of those who gave me the deepest sympathy. She was bloody nice and even convinced me completely that she’s on the same side as me. But I stand corrected. And she really caught me there. Now I was actually the one who’s in deep SHIT here bec. I was betrayed twice. So, does that make it my fault? Just bec. I chose to trust her and she chose to spoil it everthing? Does it make me rude bec. I tend to never let my behavior be ruled by others expectations? Does it make me a worse person bec. I was hurt by someone who did not believed in such values as commitment? Is that it? She just don’t know how it felt like because it was not her going through all these things. I mean, hey!!! what on earth is the matter with these bad-ass people.. thinkin’ only bout themselves? Are’nt you sensitive bout how it felt like?? Don’t you see?? She’s actually that someone who’s prepared to risk loosing her friend for the sake of her selfish intentions. She really drives me nuts! I could feel that she know damn well where she stands. Bec. by the time I texted her, we had a little exchange of messages and I could see a stab of guilt in her words. I mean, hey! There was no point of arguing. I was just trying to ask what went wrong. I even told her I was’nt mad though I was a little disappointed. But she must understand my instinct which is to protect myself when someone did me wrong. It’s basically normal and I understand she was a bit furious about that one. I was just trying to compromise and gave her the most polite approach but it was useless to argue with ignorant and idiot people. T’was useless!!!! I don’t want to conclude a harsh judgment but what I understand is she wants to pretend to be more than what she is. And I don’t feel any sincerity in her. And that’s bec. when I decided to talk to her and started to hate her for what she did….I don’t feel any guilt in me. Everything was a healthy hate. No sense of enviousness. No unreasonable madness. Because she wants to get their attention and she’s so eager to do anything to prove something to be pleased. Well, there’s nothing wrong with that…. unless she’s not using anyone. She’s a poor wretch!! I really gave in to her fake consolations. She’s just too lucky I had so much perseverance and I don’t want to trouble myself anymore. So that’s why I decided to keep that dead silence. Although… what she did was very painful. But you know what’s worse than the pain? It is the memory of the humiliation. But t’was okay!! There’s no point in grieving anyway. That would be the worst thing I could possibly do. God knows…He’s watching us….

Labels: life

daughter disclosed a long-kept secret

Tuesday, June 3, 200811:09 PM

0 comments

When I was young, I definitely don’t know any better.I guess this is the way things are, when I was still blind to so many realities. Sometimes some shot of scenes from my childhood flashed before me. And I came to realized life has’nt been that easy on me. Because I have lived in silence alone with my bitterness. Yet , I decided to keep it to myself bec. I did’nt want people to feel sorry for me. They are all filthy creatures, you know! Because in this pitiless world, it’s better to appear guilty than helpless. Papasito’s a brawny, impetuous man. A man who feels and thinks he’s almost close to perfection. In other words..he does’nt accept mistakes and he believes that “1st offense= acceptable..2nd offense=sentence to death!!!*laughs*How’s that for a tragedy?huh? Anywayzzz, the mere fact that he always hit me everytime he’s not satisfied with what I’m doin’ really gets on my nerves.( but I still love him..)usually I was tolerant but now I had no patience.(hehehehe)And there goes my ambitious mamasita. A criticizing, guilt-mongering control freak..(but I love her..).She hates me bec. I’m a worthless, exasperating “unwanted child”. On the contrary, they’re prayerful and angelic, perfect parents to some people bec. they’re into a religious community.Whatever! And I seemed to be the one who’s full of cruelty bec. I ended up living a worldly and sinful life. Sometimes I thought a sudden fit of self-pity about how everything gone wrong.. about what the hell is actually wrong with me..why people dig out dirt in my closest instead of cleanin’ up theirs…and why they would criticize what I’ve done based on what they hear instantly about me when they have’nt actually dig up the real me and all the things I’ve been through.It’s just obcene!!!But whichever it was, all I comprehend is…pain gnawed at my heart. And the worst thing they did to me. was to brand me a blacksheep.(you guys really wanna play rough huh?) You know the feeling of having been rejected was definitly the hardest thing to bear.This is actually something my parents did not understand. They did’nt even take an extra step to allow their hearts to feel the real me. Their daughter. You know, most of the time they make harsh accusations on me forgetting that they too make mistakes.They would pick on my faults and failures and talk about me negatively as if they were born perfect!! I know it’s nice to work at being better but I don’t think I need to show my good deeds to anyone.The need to be perfect in everyone’s eyes is just exhausting and does’nt make any sense at all!!It’s just that, I’m not a show off and there’s no need to brag anything about myself.There’s no need to pretend to be good just to get compliments from people. And what they failed to see is that in my own little way, I was trying to be perfect for them. Instead., they always spend time looking at my faults and weaknesses. They always filled me with indescent words that was abusive treating me like a lesser person.But somehow, I guess I’m used to it.I guess I really have to struggle in the hands of my own blood.The style of discipline applied by my parents is just ironic.THis is exactly the only kind of thing I have in mind now. But somehow. I thought for once I wanted to know what it felt like to be appreciated. Because all my life I’ve been swamped with a lot of negative words and gossip which inflicted a lot of painful trauma in me. Nevertheless, in some ways I was tougher than I had been before. I guess!!??Though I admit that the only form of emotional release I have was crying. But in a way, it felt good and somehow I thought there’s got to be more than one reason why God allowed this to happen. Though I always hated to be manipulated but I realized that there’s no better way to live a satisfying life but to smile and try to have a happy thought in my heart!!!

Labels: life

SKELETON IN MY CLOSEST

Tuesday, May 6, 20081:26 AM

0 comments

Betrayal of a good friend, end of my parent’s marriage, death of my daughter, I was diagnosed to have a heart disease and my boyfriend packed up and went away were some of the numerous storms I’ve been through. (I’m gettin’ serious here dude!) I’ve been in a Catholic school all my life, but I was not growing up in my own spiritual way. Though I did pretty well in my classes ..still, I was not appreciated. And so, I learned to goof off by cutting classes and did some stupid things in the middle of a crappy day. It’s just that i belong to the real world. I would say..I had a lot of hurts growing up. I just couldn’t comprehend why I get the most hand-me-downs, I get the worst scolding and I was a battered daughter. As a result, my love for them turned into hatred!!! You know.. I did not have that gratifying moments with my parents…I mean….not that intimate. It’s just that, they always tell me I gave them heartaches…and blah..blah..blah..To them….I am a bloody black sheep!!! I communicated with them less and less, and eventually lost their trust. Well…. probably as the eldest, I was expected to be perfectly good. Maybe.. That’s how life works for me. I actually grew up with so much confusions, burdens, anguish, afflictions..which eventually stole my heart away. There were so many fears and apprehensions in my heart then. Though I know for myself I have a lot of gifts, I can do a lot of things and though I’d like to show it off. But the lack of self-confidence and inferiority complex is my biggest foe. And I hated it!! Indeed.. I’m afraid of being criticized and so, I build an imaginary wall for I became scared in allowing others to dig up the real me. I was as weak as a new calf and I had no reason to be fortunate and pleased. I tried to find my own place where I can belong and which I can call a home but I was directionless like sand that was blown by the wind. I was sulking and eventually slipped into total depression and gave in to temptation. I indulged in so many vices. I tried smoking and became a heavy drinker….drinking every kind of alcoholic beverage anyone can ever imagine. Then I slowly ventured to drug use. I started smelling the pungent aroma of marijuana and then escalated to shabu. Though the pleasure was short-lived but it actually gave me a sense of belongingness and yields satisfaction. I had an affair with someone who already has in own baggage. And even made my life more complicated when I fall for someone who did not share my conviction about pre-marital sex. And I believed we were into fornication. The worst thing..I had a relationship with a person of the same sex. GROSS! I fuckin’ hated it!! I had lots of heartbreaking experience that happened one after the other. And I’m used to ended up my days crying over spilled milk. It was indeed a very distasteful and traumatic experienced which truly brought me down in the dumps! I had even forgotten how to pray and I experienced dryness in my spiritual life. I could see my plans in life are not happening as I expected and all my dreams seem to be drifting away. I thought I would be at the end of my patience. But nevertheless, I still had a little hope of getting back what I really wanted and get out of the mess I was in now. Correct it and perhaps do better next time.* winks*

Labels: life