this is her!

I am really such a dork when it comes to trusting a friend. And what’s worse? When she started shifting the blame and pointed fingers on me. I felt cheated and I felt a pang of disappointment. It was painful, but I note to myself that I must’nt worry and I’d rather make myself relax. I made a compromise and went fishing for the nicest words to say. Though I’m not entirely sure if I did the right thing. And I really don’t know which and what to hope for. Yet, I still tried to talk. I remained respectful and I swallowed my pride. But when I texted her….I don’t know if there was a misconception or…..aaahhhmmm….how shall I say this..hmm…. I guess….she’s just…you know..a little…I’d say less educated?? Well… I really don’t know how else to say this…. I don’t want to be odd. But it’s the only theory I have in mind now. And I really have to adjust myself on her…What they don’t see are her lies…her words are just so misleading…for she’s hiding behind mask and I actually saw things people did’nt. When she’s still here, she’s one of those who gave me the deepest sympathy. She was bloody nice and even convinced me completely that she’s on the same side as me. But I stand corrected. And she really caught me there. Now I was actually the one who’s in deep SHIT here bec. I was betrayed twice. So, does that make it my fault? Just bec. I chose to trust her and she chose to spoil it everthing? Does it make me rude bec. I tend to never let my behavior be ruled by others expectations? Does it make me a worse person bec. I was hurt by someone who did not believed in such values as commitment? Is that it? She just don’t know how it felt like because it was not her going through all these things. I mean, hey!!! what on earth is the matter with these bad-ass people.. thinkin’ only bout themselves? Are’nt you sensitive bout how it felt like?? Don’t you see?? She’s actually that someone who’s prepared to risk loosing her friend for the sake of her selfish intentions. She really drives me nuts! I could feel that she know damn well where she stands. Bec. by the time I texted her, we had a little exchange of messages and I could see a stab of guilt in her words. I mean, hey! There was no point of arguing. I was just trying to ask what went wrong. I even told her I was’nt mad though I was a little disappointed. But she must understand my instinct which is to protect myself when someone did me wrong. It’s basically normal and I understand she was a bit furious about that one. I was just trying to compromise and gave her the most polite approach but it was useless to argue with ignorant and idiot people. T’was useless!!!! I don’t want to conclude a harsh judgment but what I understand is she wants to pretend to be more than what she is. And I don’t feel any sincerity in her. And that’s bec. when I decided to talk to her and started to hate her for what she did….I don’t feel any guilt in me. Everything was a healthy hate. No sense of enviousness. No unreasonable madness. Because she wants to get their attention and she’s so eager to do anything to prove something to be pleased. Well, there’s nothing wrong with that…. unless she’s not using anyone. She’s a poor wretch!! I really gave in to her fake consolations. She’s just too lucky I had so much perseverance and I don’t want to trouble myself anymore. So that’s why I decided to keep that dead silence. Although… what she did was very painful. But you know what’s worse than the pain? It is the memory of the humiliation. But t’was okay!! There’s no point in grieving anyway. That would be the worst thing I could possibly do. God knows…He’s watching us….

Labels: life